The wisdom to know the difference

By Jeanine Botta, MPH, Co-founder, The Quiet Coalition

Photo credit: ELEVATE

Is it acceptable to shush people — including total strangers — in public? Quiet Coalition Chair Dr. Daniel Fink asked that question, citing a New York Times Magazine article and a related article that asks students how they feel about the topic. In his blog post, Daniel agreed with the Times authors that speaking up against inappropriate talking and use of electronic devices in public spaces is more of a civic responsibility than a personally-driven complaint.

Many would agree that it’s our right and our duty to speak up, but it’s often difficult to decide how to do so or whether it might be better, or safer, not to. In another post, Fink wrote about a report on a New York City subway rider stabbing a fellow rider who asked him to lower the volume of his phone conversation. This level of violence is rare, but many riders hesitate to ask others to lower the volume of a call, fearing an angry response. Some opt instead to change seats or take preventive measures such using headphones or earplugs.

Rules, regulations and laws — as well as context — can make it easier to speak up about inappropriate sound or sound levels in certain situations. United Airlines recently updated its Contract of Carriage rules to require use of headphones while listening to electronic devices, clarifying that those who don’t follow the rule can be removed from a flight or banned from future travel with the airline. In this situation, passengers can ask a fellow traveler to observe the rule without fear of conflict. There’s also a backup if a polite request doesn’t work, as flight attendants have to ensure these rules are enforced.

In an article about the rule revision, discussion in a related news report and reader comments, there’s positive feedback favoring the rule and its enforcement. It’s unlikely that an airline traveler would have safety concerns about speaking up. Passengers, flight attendants and reporters sympathize with those who don’t want to hear others’ noise in this context, and don’t apologize for their position. While literally shushing people is usually reserved for movie theaters, there are contexts where expecting and occasionally asking for quiet is a cultural norm. These include movie theaters, dance, music and theatrical performance spaces, designated areas in academic and public libraries, and quiet railway cars throughout the world.

It's more challenging to navigate situations where reduced noise is not a norm, so we rely on common sense to guide us to be thoughtful about our devices and our voices in shared spaces.

At a recent book event with Nicole Kelner, author of the book “Quietest Places in New York City,” and Quiet Communities’ founder and president Jamie Banks, questions from the audience led to a discussion about how we decide when to ask someone to lower the volume in a public space. There was some consensus that it’s wise to let some issues go, after weighing all the options.

Certain types of stories generate lots of shares and comments online, including reports of restaurant customers seated close to crying babies. In situations like this, I don’t think it’s a matter of right or wrong, but whether there could possibly be a helpful outcome if one were to ask the parent to take action to quiet the baby. Is this realistic? If the parent is inclined to do so, he or she would probably have already tried. If no options are available — no one to walk around with the baby or otherwise soothe or distract the baby — and not enough room in the restaurant to move to a distant table, I would ask to take the meal home, and leave with a calm, unrushed and nonjudgemental attitude.

This doesn’t have to mean that you agree with those who have no sympathy for the affected patron. Sometimes it’s just better to be generous and kind than to be right.